MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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