she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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