There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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