who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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