Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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