; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
