even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
