Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
