I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
