just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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