she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
