I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can text with my tongue
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
