i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
