Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
