i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize