We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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