I showed him my bush... on skype.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
