Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
