I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
