So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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