I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
