Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
