Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
