first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
