he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
