I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
