You just made me feel so damn special
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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