His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
