I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
