who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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