there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize