I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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