So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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