Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
