i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My bed smells like the plague
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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