theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
