chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
