I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
