i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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