Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
