1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize