I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize