Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize