I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
