I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
