so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
