o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
