i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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