I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
