you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
