those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize