is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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