ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
