Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
