how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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