Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize