He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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