i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
