I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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