He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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