I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
