I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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