I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
