he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
