I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
