dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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