she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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