all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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