Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
