Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
