I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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